Days of Small Beginnings

The other day I had to make a shift in my priorities of writing projects.

It was difficult for all the wrong reasons.  I have two projects that are, to be brief and prudent, my reasons for getting into writing in the first place.  One is my first real story, the first novel that will be – hopefully – the first of a series.  The second one is the first short story of what – hopefully – will be a series.

Then there’s the third.  It’s a children’s book, very simple.  Not long, not a lot of characterization, and not terribly exciting.  But there is something about this third project: I can actually see myself publishing this book soon.  The novel has wrestled with chronic plot problems, the short story series is gonna need some significant worldbuilding to lay the foundation for its fictional world.

So because I frankly want to actually produce a book before I qualify for senior benefits, I realized I need to write and publish something smaller, simpler, short-term.  It actually made a difference.  Progress is going faster than I hoped.  But you know what?

I actually resented it.  The story isn’t big, it’s not flashy, it’s not exactly my genre.  It doesn’t have sweeping character arcs, pitched struggles and battles of wills.  And you know what?  It’s still good.  But resentment cropped up anyway because it didn’t feel impressive.  It didn’t smack enough of “artistic innovation” or some other hollow idea.  Ya know “wow, THIS is my first work?  What if I get known for this?  I should be writing so much more.”

God help me, if I had a dollar for how much I torture myself with the words “should be so much more,” I’d at least have a terrible source of income instead of self-deprecating for free.

I had to ask myself who exactly am I looking to impress?  Well, part of it is me subconsciously trying to impress people of the same cut as the critics I usually tend to agree with.  Modern culture hasn’t exactly flooded the market with good stories lately and my criticism of them has left me with the need to be fair and judge my own writing just as harshly. And yet, even here, I did not feel as if I was accurately identifying the center of my problem.

In fact, it took me a while to realize that I didn’t fear criticism nearly as much as I did falling short of my calling.  God called me to be a writer, and I feel that if I didn’t rise to the occasion and put something significant as my debut, it’d be like I was letting Him down somehow.

The Jewish people during the time of the Book of Zechariah went through a hard time with the same struggle returning to their home of Israel after being freed of captivity. They were called to rebuild the Temple of Jerusalem. But the last one was the Temple of Solomon. It never had been so good, and in hindsight, it never would be again. They figured if they couldn’t make it as good or better than Solomon’s, all it would do was disappoint them, disappoint others, and probably disappoint God.

Interesting theory, but Zechariah delievered God’s word that the only way they could disappoint God would be to not pursue it and leave no temple for the people to worship at. To do nothing at all would be even worse than falling short of some perceived standard. In Zechariah 4:10, the language is a bit figurative, leading to various wordings amongst the versions, but the verse says in paraphrase, “Do not despise the day of small beginnings, for the Eyes of God rejoice to to see the work begin, and to see Zerubbabel take up the tools in his hands.” And like Samuel told Saul, it’s not the form of the sacrifice, but the spirit of obedience in which it is given (1 Samuel 15:22).

The idea of impressing God sounds ridiculous at face value, but it becomes very believable when you let it hide in plain sight.  Some shadowy idea of ensuring God “gets good return on His investment” creeps in, and now you feel like a business owner afraid to show your main stockholder the books.  I plan to go into this point further in another post, but for now I return to my main point that being a writer and storyteller is more than just crafting your magnum opus.

We often feel like when God calls us to a great ambition or dream that could do great things, we take what should be a free weight to build up our muscles and turn that into a burden bound around our necks. It’s not meant to bring us down but build us up over time. That’s the spirit of the difference between Excllence and Perfection. Perfection is unattainable, but Excllence is possible wherever you are in life. The journey IS the calling, and it’s in pursuing it that God is pleased because you’re obeying Him.

Entering into the writing life means I need to be willing to be a writer for small projects and big, and to not only reserve my love for the big dream projects. The small ones deserve love too. You are to work as if working for the Lord (Colossians 3:23), and to not treat any work as “lesser work.” There’s a reaspn God holds mustard seeds, widow’s mites and little children in such high regard.

Don’t hate small beginnings, days of little progress and rough drafts and prose that doesn’t feel right.

And don’t be afraid of small, simple ideas.

Until next time, Godspeed and Peace be with ya!